Teach Me How To Dance -sequel- ♥
"I think I change my mind about you Jonghyun," Kibum mumbles and Jonghyun flips another page of one of Kibum's magazines.
"That guy should seriously consider hair gel," Jonghyun says and grimaces at the burst of perfume that hits him in the face when he changes the page. "I hate these perfume testers. I can just test the perfume out at the store if I want to. Uh, I mean cologne."
When he notices how quiet Kibum is being he turns in alarm, "sorry I go off in to my own world sometimes. Did you say something?"
"I said I like you."
Jonghyun stares at him for a long time in silence, hoping that he didn't imagine that. "Wh-what?"
Kibum blushes, "what should I do, spell it out?"
He leans closer to the other, his breath ghosting over Jonghyun's lips. "Maybe I should tease you a little first?"
"You've been teasing me long enough!" Jonghyun yells at the top of his lungs, sitting up in shock. His mouth drops open. No Kibum, no magazines, just his posters of Super Junior and a shiny, black laptop he forgot to turn off sitting at the edge of the bed. Jonghyun runs a hand through his hair, boy did he hate life.
"I'm going to school!" He yells before racing out the door with a piece of toast in his mouth.
The leaves on the trees are starting to turn orange and brown and the air is cool and refreshing. Jonghyun runs a hand through his hair again, trying to make himself presentable. His eyes land on the crosswalk sign which says he can cross but as soon as he zips across the street it changes. A loud screeeeeeeeeeeech causes him to stop dead in the middle of the road. The red van was a centimeter from hitting him.
"Sorry," he bows quickly and the toast drops out of his mouth. The driver yells at him as he picks the toast up with a curse and continues rushing down the sidewalk. He stuffs the remainder of the toast in his mouth before almost tripping over a store sign. A few middle school girls giggle as he passes. He turns to flash them a smile and they all giggle harder until he crashes in to someone.
Jonghyun lays there in pain for a moment before grabbing the guy's collar.
"I'm gonna kick your ass you-"
He stops in mid sentence as Kibum raises his coffee black eyes to his and smiles softly.
"Good morning to you too, idiot."
He blushes and helps the younger boy stand up. "Sorry about that, I'm just in a weird mood today."
"Like the little incident where you almost got ran over?"
The look on Kibum's face isn't pleasant and Jonghyun laughs awkwardly, "Yeah about that. . . "
"Don't do that again or else."
He didn't seem too mad about so the older boy just grins. Kibum turns around and continues down the sidewalk. Jonghyun wipes his tired eyes and trots after the other. It's been an entire summer since he confessed to the Kibum and surprisingly instead of causing awkwardness, the two became closer. Before he knew it, he had Kibum's cell phone number and spent almost every weekend with him. It made him happy that Kibum finally started warming up to him and opening his heart up.
A week ago when school started back up, Jonghyun was more than ecstatic when Kibum asked him if he wanted to walk to school together. It was almost as great as his first kiss. Scratch that. Much greater than his first kiss. Unless you consider a hot 16 year old babysitter who had on too much cherry lip gloss a good first kiss. Alright so it was for an 11 year old. But nothing compared to the kiss he shared under the cherry blossom tree in 8th grade with his neighbor Suzy. That should have been his first kiss.
Alright so if you count the almost kiss with dream Kibum this morning. . .
Jonghyun shakes his head. He had to get that out of his mind. Not that it was the first Kibum dream he's had over the summer but still. He knew that Kibum wouldn't return his feelings but he kept holding on to that speck of hope that something would change. Sometimes when he caught Kibum staring at him or how shy he would act when they were too close, his hope would soar. But other times when Kibum would bow to him or talk to him formally it crashed his hopes back down.
Shouldn't he speak to me as if we were friends by now? The bowing is so unnecessary. . .
"Jjong?" Kibum asks, snapping the older one out of his thoughts.
"Coming!" he shouts and they race each other to the gate.
For the moment, life was pretty damn sweet.
"Yo, let me borrow a pencil."
"Do you ever come prepared?" Jonghyun says in annoyance while handing the extra pencil he always brought to his best friend. Taemin sticks his tongue out, "who was the one that needed to borrow notes yesterday because they slept through class? Was it me? No? That's what I thought."
They stare at each other for a few minutes before Taemin turns back around and Jonghyun mentally pours ketchup on that little head of his and feeds him to a dinosaur. It satisfied him enough to sleep through class again.
"You're not gonna pass this year at this rate," Taemin says after the bell gives Jonghyun a rude awakening. He pulls on the head of hair poking out from beneath his hyung's arms with a frown, "get up."
Jonghyun rubs his eyes with a groan and lays back down on the desk. "Five more minutes, mommy."
"If you want to miss class, honey."
Taemin shakes the other over and over until he slaps his hands away and stands up. "Okay, okay. I really don't want to go to my next class though."
Taemin follows him out of class in curiosity. "How come? I know you're forever getting good grades. How? The world will never know."
Jonghyun pops a coin into the soda machine by the water fountain and pulls out a soda pop with a grin. One of his favorite things was drinking the fizz from a freshly opened soda. After slurping up all the fizz he shrugs at Taemin who takes a sip.
"There's just this one kid I really don't like."
"That's rare," Taemin says thoughtfully as they jog down the stairs to the first floor. Before he can continue an arm chokes him from behind and Jonghyun turns around to smack a bitch until laughter fills the hallway. Taemin fights his attacker off and smiles.
"Yo kiddo! How's it shakin'? Sorry I missed our first week, I was on a trip with my family and couldn't return until last night," she grins and glomps him.
"Couldn't or didn't want to?" Jonghyun pipes in and Amber throws a punch towards him that he quickly dodges.
"I'll get you for that later! I can't believe I haven't seen you guys in two months! Thanks for calling by the way," she says sarcastically and Jonghyun laughs.
"Sorry I thought you would be busy in Japan. I'll admit it wasn't as much fun without you."
"And I just don't like you," Taemin smiles which lands him a head lock. Amber and Taemin end up being in Art class together which leaves Jonghyun to walk the rest of the way alone. He sighs, thinking about how far away Kibum's class was from his. They couldn't even walk together.
The only time they really saw each other at school was during lunch and he just couldn't get himself motivated until then. He walks in class and sits down by the window with a frown. The class is full of laughter and murmuring that doesn't really bother Jonghyun until he walks in.
Jonghyun peeks from under his arms to watch the boy walk to his seat. He always had his hands shoved in his pockets because he never brought anything to school. Apparently the guy left his notebooks and pens in his desk all night and nobody dared to take it.
It pissed Jonghyun off how cool the kid acted. He never spoke to anyone and nobody ever spoke to him. The teacher didn't call on him probably because of the rumors. Because of his loud classmates Jonghyun knew way too much info about this guy. Apparently, he only came to school whenever he didn't feel like stealing or fighting. Everyone was afraid of him and there were rumors he was kin to a mob boss.
It got even worse.
People talked about him carrying a pocket knife around and dealing drugs. Was it true? Jonghyun didn't give a damn about these rumors, that's not what caused him to hate the kid.
It was because he didn't say anything about it. Nothing at all.
One day Jonghyun saw a few guys surround him outside of school and cuss in his face and he just stared at them. It was ironic that people talked about how many people he sent to the hospital yet he didn't even bother clearing his name. Wouldn't you go against that kind of stuff? And if it was all true shouldn't he be the type to beat down on people that talked about him like that?
It confused Jonghyun.
The bell rang and Jonghyun opens his eyes to an empty classroom. He stands up and notices the class isn't as empty as he thought it was.
The boy is gazing into space and it surprises Jonghyun that the teacher isn't in class to yell at the two of them for still being in there. He snatches up his bag and crosses paths with the other, almost reaching the door but stops. There's a moment of silence before he bites his lip and a circuit in his brain goes haywire which causes him to look over his shoulder.
"Hey, class is over."
The boy blinks in confusion and meets Jonghyun with bleak eyes. It took Jonghyun back how sorrowful his eyes were. He almost expected dark and cold eyes, like Kibum's when they first met. The boy stands up and shoves his hands in his pockets, brushing pass Jonghyun without a word. He waltzes down the hallway and reaches out for the silver handle to the biggest doors in school.
"Skipping?" Jonghyun asks.
Silence answers him minus the sound of the school entrance door opening and closing.
“Maybe I should tease you a little first?"
Jonghyun slams his head against his school bag with a moan. He couldn't get the dream from this morning out of his head to save his life. He suppressed it long enough to get through school but now that's all he can think about. It became a routine to ride the bus with Taemin and Kibum. Onew usually joined half of the time and Amber promised to start after catching up on her late work.
It was after school and the three of them were making their way to the city bus together. Every time Kibum would say something to Jonghyun, he couldn't help but imagine it in that husky voice from his dream so it caused him to stutter back. Taemin asked him if he was okay and he just laughed in reply.
When they got on the bus Taemin found a seat right away but it was he only one left. “Is it a festival day or something?” Jonghyun complains and holds on to the railing by his head. Kibum looks for a seat but is pushed in to Jonghyun instead.
“Sorry,” he says quickly and It makes Jonghyun a little irritated. It's not like it was his fault, the guy who ran in to him should apologize, right?
“You gotta stop that.”
“Huh?” Kibum backs up as much as he can but there's only a few inches between the two. Jonghyun's face heats up but he keeps calm.
“Stop apologizing all the time. You're too polite, Kibum. I don't want you to be rude but for casual things you don't have to say 'sorry', you know? Like when you dropped a fork at my house the other day. You acted like it was the most terrible sin to get a little spaghetti on the floor but it was fine! We cleaned it up so you didn't have to apologize.”
Kibum purses his lips and takes in what Jonghyun is telling him.
“Sorry, I can't help it.”
Jonghyun wants to bury his head in his hands and cry at this point so he just nods. “Okay, it's fine.”
Jonghyun can see Taemin's smirking reflection in the window and he groans. He almost regretted telling Taemin about his secret crush on Kibum that wasn't exactly a secret anymore. Every text he got Taemin would jump up and ask if it was from Kibum. It drove Jonghyun crazy.
Taemin's such a fan boy I swear.
Jonghyun watches the world roll by through the glass and yawns. He blinks a few time before a head of brown hair catches his attention. It's the kid from his class swaggering down the street in that way that Jonghyun hated but can't help but watch. The boy keeps his grim eyes ahead. They had that fog that Kibum's used to have. Maybe that's why Jonghyun was so curious about him because he reminded him of the old Kibum. Not that he had changed much but the key he knew now was more open than the old one. The bus stops and Jonghyun finds himself pushing pass the crowd to get a better look at the boy across the street.
“That guy,” he says as Kibum catches up behind him. He follows Jonghyun's eyes and then looks back.
“Oh that's his name,” Jonghyun says nonchalantly. Sungkyu turns the corner and disappears from their sight.
“You like him or something?” Kibum asks suddenly which causes Jonghyun to shake his head furiously.
“No way! He just never comes to class and stuff so I'm just curious about what he does outside of school. I just uh- I don't think he's the bad ass everyone labels him as. I'm not gay anyways so how could I like him?!”
There's an awkward silence when Jonghyun realizes how stupid that last sentence sounded. It never really occurred to him but maybe he was bi? He talked to girls a lot and when he's with his guy friends he talked about girls. All the people he's ever dated have been girls and to top it off he's never lusted over a guy except Kibum. Maybe Kibum was an exception? Either way it sucked turning down every girl that asked you out because of an unrequited love.
“Okay,” Kibum says to break the silence and Taemin finally makes it off the bus.
“Hey I have a date with Minho so I'll catch you guys later.”
“Tell him to buy you everything on the menu,” Jonghyun grumbles. He finally learned to accept Taemin and Minho being together but it was hard to let him go sometimes. Taemin and Jonghyun time had been cut in half the second Minho barged into their life. Well that's what Jonghyun believed.
“Yeah, whatever. Catch ya later, hyung,” he smiles and waves them off. Jonghyun waves halfheartedly and glances at Kibum. “Want to go to the arcade or something, Key?”
He doesn't respond and Jonghyun raises a brow. “Is that a no?”
“Oh sorry,” Kibum says quickly and looks up.
Again with the sorry, Jonghyun thinks with a sigh. He hesitates for a moment before throwing his arm around Kibum's shoulders. He expects the timid boy to go stiff or become uncomfortable but he just stares up at him in patience. “Let's go to the arcade, Key! What do you say?”
There's a smile on his angelic face but his eyes show concern. Jonghyun decides to ask him about it later because right now his heart is hammering so hard in his chest he can't even hear himself think.
a/n: Back after a 5 month hiatus >O<
I miss lj :D ♥
I hope this story isn't completely dead... ;w;
Anyways I've been doing so much stuff this pass year so it's been pretty fun and awesome~ I hope it's the same for everyone else :)
previous :: next
Kibum remains speechless for a good minute, worrying the other. Jonghyun shoves his hands in to his pockets with a nervous cough. “Uh well. . . I didn't expect you to like me back or anything, I just wanted to tell you. I thought it would be easier for me if you knew.”
“It's harder for me to hear that,” Kibum says and Jonghyun isn't sure how to respond. He can barely hear Kibum because his ears are pounding so loudly.
“Sorry Jonghyun, I don't feel that way about you.”
Kibum watches Jonghyun leave with a heavy heart. The shorter boy's steps are quick yet shaky. He didn't have that confident step like before and it hurt Kibum to see. Why did he say that? Why did he lie to him? When Jonghyun said that he liked him. . . All he could think was. . . Well, he wasn't thinking. His heart felt like it was going to sky rocket and it felt new and strange.
Kibum liked it.
So why did he say that?
“Sorry Jonghyun, I don't feel that way about you.”
Was it because he was afraid of what would happen if he said he liked him back? Did he like him back? Kibum didn't really consider love as something necessary so he never pursued a relationship. Was he in love with Jonghyun? Onew's face popped up in his head. Onew? Was it because of Onew? No, he didn't feel dizzy and crazy, like he did with Jonghyun, when Onew was around.
There was no way he was in love with Onew, he knew that much. Maybe it was because he never opened up to anyone besides Onew that he was afraid. As soon as Jonghyun found his way to his heart he wouldn't be able to control his feelings anymore. For his whole life, he's never let anyone invade his privacy or get very close to him because he was afraid. As cool as he tried to act, he was scared of people hating him. If he let Jonghyun get closer to him than he would know about Kibum's other sides and regret liking him.
Kibum stares at the ground with a soft sigh. He was bad at making friends in general, mostly because of the distant and cold atmosphere he gave off. It was because he didn't want to say the wrong thing and make someone dislike him. He had said something horrible to Jonghyun and he couldn't take it back. . .
Kibum jumps at the bright melody that bursts from his phone. He pulls it out, already knowing who it was. Only his mom and Onew called him and since his mom is at work, it must be the latter.
"Yeah?" he asks in a shaky voice.
"Thanks for helping me earlier. I'm really sorry I said all those things to you all of a sudden, you can forget them. I don't want you to avoid me," Onew's voice wasn't playful like it normally was.
The sudden question made Kibum feel uneasy. After what happened in the office before he saw Jonghyun laying in the floor like an idiot, he wasn't ready to see Onew again.
"You need some help?" Onew asked. He shut the door behind him, turning on the lamp so the room wasn't so dim. Kibum shoved a pile of papers in to one of the folders by the copy machine with a shrug. "That's ok, I'm almost done."
He scanned his eyes over the names on the club sign up sheet. He remembered how he had felt that day, sick and tired. Onew convinced him to help out with getting members anyways. Without realizing it, a soft smile spread across Kibum's face when he saw Jonghyun's messy script. The day he first met Jonghyun. . . It was fairly faint. He remembered feeling stuffed up and didn't want to have to interact with anyone much except for handing them the fliers. When he approached Jonghyun and Taemin it didn't seem different from anyone else until he got closer. When he shuffled silently through the courtyard, handing out the fliers, people barely noticed him. Normally he felt invisible, his presence didn't evoke anything special like some people. Like Jonghyun's did.
When he walked up to them, he could sense Jonghyun's warm and welcoming atmosphere immediately. He didn't even realize he was staring until he bumped in to Jonghyun who turned around and apologized for something that wasn't his fault. Kibum said something along the lines of, "it's fine," and didn't dare to look the smiling boy in the eyes. He gave them the flimsy papers and walked off. Someone had actually noticed him.
"We need to throw some of this out," Onew muttered and dumped some folders in to the neon green trash can by Kibum. Kibum swiped the sign up sheet off of the desk and crumpled it in to his pocket before Onew pushed the rest of the papers in to the trash bin. Kibum leaned against the desk, waiting for Onew to finish so they could leave. His thoughts were starting to go wild. The time when Jonghyun left his ipod in the studio, that was the time they first talked to each other. It surprised Kibum because Jonghyun seemed so unapproachable.
"Yo Kibum you got something on your pretty face," Onew teased and brushed his thumb across the other boy's cheek with a grin. "Got it."
Kibum thanked him, his mind beginning to return to Jonghyun when he realized Onew was still looking at him. He wasn't smiling anymore though which puzzled Kibum.
"What is it?"
"We've been friends for a while right?" Onew asked hesitantly and Kibum shrugged. "Well I was thinking. . . We don't spend much time together, I mean outside of school. We don't go to the movies together or even visit each other. I think I've been to your house twice in all the time I've known you."
Kibum clenches the edge of the table with another shrug, "you never asked to."
"But that's just it. I shouldn't have to ask and neither should you. It should be a routine or something we do naturally you know?"
Kibum doesn't respond and Onew scratches the back of his neck. "If you don't feel like we're close enough to hang out than I guess my perspective of our friendship is completely different. . . "
"That's not it," Kibum said, "I just don't know what you want me to say. . ."
The older boy moved closer to him, far too close for Kibum's comfort. He bent down so that he was on eye level with the slouching Kibum. "I want you to say that I mean something to you."
Kibum's cheeks flared up at the sudden statement. What he meant to him. . ? He was his friend wasn't that obvious?
"You're my best friend," Kibum responded, perplexed. Onew closed his eyes for a split second and touched Kibum's cheek gently. "I've been very patient Kim Kibum but you're making it difficult. You can't expect me to just stand by and let Jonghyun steal you, can you? It's obvious you're going to stay this oblivious for the rest of your life so I'm just gonna come out and say it. . ."
Kibum didn't like this side of Onew. He had the urge to move away from the other boy's touch.
"I'm basically in love with you Kibum," Onew said with a dark blush. Kibum didn't feel his heart race or his cheeks get red like they normally did when someone confesses to you. He was supposed to feel happy right? Shouldn't his heart rate be heavier? All he wanted to do though was shove Onew away and run out.
"I- I don't," Kibum could feel himself getting dizzy. The person he trusted the most wasn't supposed to be in love with him, it frightened him. "I can't," he tried to say but his breath was jagged. Without thinking about it he ducked away from Onew and ran out of the office. That's when he saw Jonghyun in the floor.
Kibum couldn't seem to form any coherent sentences so he decides not to speak.
"You're not in love with me Kibum. . . Are you?" Onew asks sadly. It was strange to hear Onew call him by his actual name which he's been doing more recently. Kibum shakes his head slowly but realizes Onew can't see him. Before he can answer Onew laughs, "I know that. I'm sorry I'm so stupid. Even though I knew you didn't have the same feelings I have for you, I had to try. I don't want you to be scared of me or think anything bad of me Key so. . . So can we forget about what happened yesterday? I can fall in love with someone else easily so don't worry about that. I just don't want to lose you as a friend. Forgive me?"
Kibum waits for him to finish and says, "I'm sorry."
The other line goes quiet and Kibum wonders how someone as smart and funny as Onew could have any interest in him. How could Jonghyun have interest in him? He didn't deserve either of them.
"You're in love with Jonghyun aren't you, Key. . ?"
Kibum closes his eyes and remembers how warm it felt when Jonghyun had hugged him. He remembers how vibrant the colors on his cheeks were when Kibum tied his shoes for him. He remembers how blinding his smile was when they agreed on nicknames for each other. Even though he still didn't know much about the other, there was something about Jonghyun he liked. Whenever he was around him he felt like he didn't want to mess up, he didn't want Jonghyun to not like him. He was drawn to Jonghyun. The first time Amber and Onew asked him to give Jonghyun dance lessons, he was ecstatic because he had a reason to spend time with the other. All he had to do was keep his cool and keep those stupid butterflies in his stomach still.
"I think so," Kibum answers after who knows how long. If wanting to be near a person whenever you can and thinking about that person all the time meant he was in love then he must have been.
"Yeah I thought so," Onew sighs. There's a short pause until he chuckles, "I'm glad. I mean I'm not glad that you didn't fall in love with me but I'm glad it's Jonghyun."
For the first time in years, Kibum feels like crying. He had hurt Onew and there was nothing he could do or say to change anything.
"I'm glad I lost to someone who deserves you," he finishes quietly.
Pain erupts in Kibum's chest. His eyes shut to keep any sneaky tears from falling.
"If Jonghyun hurts you just call me, 'kay?" Onew chuckles brightly as if he wasn't hurt at all. Kibum knew better than that though. He knew Onew better than Onew knew himself. He wants to tell Onew he loves him, maybe not in the same way Onew loves the other, but he still loves him. He smiles and closes his eyes.
"Thank you, Onew."
"I'm not even playing with you Jonghyun! I will torch your ass if you don't give me that potion!" Minho yells with a smirk as Jonghyun knocks his shoulder with his own.
"No way, my health is too low! How are you gonna kill me if we're on the same team, idiot?"
"I'll turn friendly fire on," Minho threatens. Jonghyun gasps and evades some more zombies. "You wouldn't dare."
"Oh I would." The devilish grin on Minho's face reveals everything. Sweat beads begin to form on Jonghyun's temple, "you'll be sorry if you do that! I'll kill you first."
"Can you guys calm down over there? I'm trying to study," Taemin calls from the other side of the room. Minho sticks his tongue out at his boyfriend for a split second and turns around with a scream. Jonghyun falls off the couch in laughter as the words player one wins scroll across the screen.
"I died!? How?!"
"Some zombie got you while you were occupied with Taemin," Jonghyun laughs. Minho groans and hands him two dollars unwillingly. Jonghyun buries the cash in to his pocket. Minho gets up and leans over Taemin who is busy typing up some English report. Jonghyun watches the two with interest. They were so cute together that if he wasn't so masculine he would squeal. Taemin scolds Minho for distracting him but Minho continues to tease him. It was amazing how fast a person could change. . . It took Jonghyun a long time to accept Minho as Taemin's boyfriend. Partly because he didn't trust the guy and partly because he didn't want to give Taemin away. He realized it was selfish to want Taemin to himself so he tried to warm up to Minho and found out he wasn't the douche bag he thought he was. He had millions of sides to him, some good and some bad but wasn't that how everyone was?
Jonghyun turns the PS3 off and stretches. When he came over to Taemin's house he was going to explain the Kibum story, finally wanting to share his love life with Taemin but it turned out that Minho was here. He decided to drop by anyways and before he knew it he had forgotten about Kibum. Now that he wasn't occupied with video games though. . .
"You staying over, Jonghyun?" Taemin asks, trying to shove Minho away from the computer.
"If that's ok with you," Jonghyun responds while making circles in the carpet with his eyes.
"I thought it was just going to be us two-" Taemin shoves his hand over Minho's mouth and gives him a death glare.
Jonghyun kicks a pillow off the couch in frustration. Shouldn't he be more angry about this? Why did he feel so depressed? He should have the urge to tell Kibum that he didn't deserve him anyways and that he could easily find someone else but. . . It wasn't the truth.
"Then I'm out of here," Minho says and throws his coat on. Taemin pouts, "Why?"
"I wanted you all to myself but I'll wait until tomorrow. See you Jonghyun," he waves and pecks Taemin bye before leaving. Taemin watches the other cross the street before shutting the door, "he's no fun."
There's an unusual silence which causes Taemin to turn around. Jonghyun's laying on the couch with his eyes glued to the ceiling. His eyes stay still even after Taemin wiggles a hand in his face.
"Jonghyun? What's up?"
Jonghyun blinks a few times and then sits up. He scratches his neck nervously, "I never told you did I? It was Amber that knew."
"That knew what?" the younger one asks curiously while flopping down on a cushion. Jonghyun laughs weakly, "that I had a crush on Kibum. Well have is a better word except. . . I mean I don't know anymore."
"You what?!" Taemin shouts and stands up.
"Why are you so shocked? I thought you could have guessed by now," Jonghyun frowns and Taemin shakes his head. "I had no idea! You're telling me that you liked Kibum? Kim Kibum? In our class? Right?"
"Aish calm down. Yeah I did," he answers and lays back down, his eyes drifting to the blank ceiling. "But it doesn't really matter now because he rejected me."
"Eh?! You even confessed?! What the hell? Why didn't you say so?! Ah-" Taemin notices the glow in Jonghyun's eyes disappear. "Rejected? Are you. . . Sure?"
"Yeah, it was clear," Jonghyun says with a hollow laugh. He turns over and hugs a pillow to his chest. "I had a weird feeling he liked me back so I went for it but I was wrong. It was strange, you know? The feeling I mean. I didn't know how horrifying telling someone how you felt about them could be since I never did it before."
Taemin's eyebrows rise. So that time when he said he loved me. . ? He didn't mean it that way? After deciding to go out with Minho I didn't really consider Jonghyun's feelings but if this whole time he never actually liked me then. . .
"So the one you had a crush on wasn't me?" Taemin asks quickly and it grows quiet.
"What?!" Jonghyun shoots up and looks at Taemin, baffled. "You thought I had a crush on you?!"
"I mean- not exactly. But at one point I did kind of- augh forget about that! The point is, you liked Kibum all this time. How did I not notice?! I'm so stupid! I can't believe you asked him out!"
"Well I didn't really ask him out. I told him I liked him and stuff but he said he didn't feel the same. Well whatever, I should just get over it right? I hate sulking around like this."
Taemin touches Jonghyun's shoulder lightly and smiles, "it's okay to be sad, Jonghyun. Everyone chases after someone that doesn't care about them. Maybe Kibum is just confused? Minho didn't exactly fall in love with me the second I fell in love with him and look at us now. Give Kibum some time to think. He doesn't seem like the type to respond easily to this kind of thing. He's so timid and reserved that I think he would be too embarrassed to respond."
Jonghyun gapes at the other boy. "Who are you and what have you done with Taemin?"
"You just sound so grown up," Jonghyun smiles and pats the other's head. "Thanks though Min."
Taemin smiles at him brightly and then his face falls, "you gonna be okay?"
"It's like you don't even know me," Jonghyun teases and tosses the younger's hair. They both laugh and Jonghyun stands up. "I'm gonna go pop some popcorn. Why don't you get a movie for us to watch?"
"Got it boss," Taemin salutes and rushes to his room.
Jonghyun searches through the cabinets and sighs. I hope you're right Taemin or I'm going to go crazy.
"The dance is tonight and unfortunately," Taemin smirks, "you're still dateless."
The word sounded so evil coming out of Taemin's mouth that Jonghyun suppressed the urge to shiver. He simply shrugs, "it's just a stupid dance. You and Minho have fun, I'm not in the mood for fun tonight anyways."
"Still upset over Kibum?" Taemin asks with a frown and slides in to the desk by Jonghyun. It's officially been two weeks since the "Kibum incident" and Taemin just couldn't stop talking about Jonghyun's crush. Whenever Kibum was nearby he would shove an elbow in to Jonghyun's side and Amber didn't help by asking Onew thousands of questions about what Kibum was up to lately.
"Eh? N-No way, you know me by now Taemin. I bounce back hard! Really really hard!"
"What the hell are you guys talking about over here?"
The devilish voice belongs to none other than Onew.
"None of your business Mr. I only love Chicken and dancing," Taemin says while sticking his tongue out. Onew smirks and flips his hair cooly, "Chicken and dancing can't even be compared. Chicken is obviously more amazing than anything else. Even more amazing then your cranky boyfriend, Taemin."
"Hey don't say mean things about. . . Well he is pretty cranky," Taemin says with a thoughtful expression. Jonghyun can feel Onew's eyes locked him and he starts to feel uncomfortable. Onew glances away for a second and rubs the back of his head, "Ya, Jonghyun. Can we talk for a sec?"
"Um, sure?" Jonghyun says and follows Onew out in to the hallway awkwardly. It was self study anyways.
The sky outside was bright and clear, not a single cloud decorating the sky. Onew leans against the window seal and drums against it with his fingers. Jonghyun leans by him and watches a bird fly out of a tree. "So what's up boss?"
"Oh the usual," Onew says. Jonghyun watches a cute boy and girl holding hands outside, whispering to each other.
"They must be skipping," Jonghyun says, not expecting a response. The girl sits on the boy's lap and begins to kiss him. It starts to get intense and Jonghyun turns with the feeling of vomiting. If there was one thing he hated it was kissing in public. Holding hands, hugging, saying "baby", those things were minuscule to making out. It was just something he didn't do with past girlfriends.
"So who you taking to the dance?" Onew asks out of the blue. Jonghyun coughs awkwardly and wonders what it is Onew really wants to talk about.
"What? You want to ask me out or something?" he teases and the other doesn't go along with the joke.
"I'm guessing you're not in the mood for jokes? Or do you actually have a crush on me?" he asks hoping to Buddha it wasn't the latter. Onew smiles this time, relieving Jonghyun a little.
"Yeah I'm just crazy in love with you, go to the dance with me," Onew winks and Jonghyun laughs. Onew stops smiling and lightly punches the laughing Jonghyun in the arm, "are you an idiot, Jonghyun?"
"Huh?" Jonghyun raises a brow at the serious looking Onew in worry. An angry Onew is never good.
"Forget about the dance, what have you been doing? Why haven't you spoken to Kibum in two weeks, huh?"
Onew's mouth forms a straight line and he sighs, "I mean, Kibum is really shy so you have to make the first move."
"Whoah now," Jonghyun glares, "what do you mean 'first move'? Why is it any of your business if Kibum and I are talking or not?"
"Just stop being and idiot and talk to him. Maybe he'll tell you about it one day," Onew says and brushes the hair out of his face.
"One more thing," Onew says and snaps a finger in the air. "Don't screw up or I'll never let you live it down. This is the only time I'll be unselfish so take advantage of it. Consider yourself lucky, Jonghyun."
With that, Onew marches off leaving a confused Jonghyun. What the hell? What am I supposed to get out of that speech?! Is Onew being serious?
Jonghyun turns around in a daze, raising his eyes. He stops breathing.
Kibum's walking down the hallway, humming some wonder girl's song until he opens his eyes and notices Jonghyun.
Jonghyun isn't sure what to do. There are the obvious options of running or pretending not to see him- well it's too late for that now. Maybe if he waits long enough one of his classmates will come get him or there is the option of actually talking to Kibum.
"Hi," Kibum's soft voice breaks the silence. Jonghyun slowly starts to engulf air again, trying not to make it obvious.
"Hey!" Jonghyun smiles brightly and ruffles the back of his hair. Kibum's eyes aren't the usual abyss and his mouth isn't in a frown. His eyes are sparkling and there's a cheerful aura around him.
"Are you skipping class, Jonghyun?" Kibum asks, cocking his head like a kitten. Jonghyun suppresses the urge to throw his arms around him and leans against the wall with a smirk. "I guess I'm caught."
A trace of a smile appears on the younger boy's face.
"So I'm guessing you're skipping too?" Jonghyun questions and Kibum shakes his head.
"I was. . ."
He pauses and doesn't say anything else so Jonghyun throws him a glance. "You were what?"
"I don't really know, I just didn't feel like going to class today," Kibum says in an even voice. Jonghyun bites his lip but ends up bursting in to laughter. "You know that's the same thing as skipping Kay, right?" he grins and Kibum turns pink.
"Oh um, I guess," he says sheepishly. There is a short pause until Jonghyun steps forward.
"Why don't we just skip together then?"
Kibum glances up in shock, he didn't think Jonghyun would forgive him so quickly. Maybe this was a trick to get him back for hurting him? No, Jonghyun wouldn't do something like that. Maybe this is just a way for them to make up. It's a very Jonghyun-ly way to do it.
"Okay," Kibum says almost in a whisper. He realizes how weird it would be if he acted like a shy school girl now and adds, "I guess I have time to kill."
Jonghyun nods and they jump the fence together.
Jonghyun studies Kibum from across the table with suspicious eyes. Kibum starts to feel self conscious and takes a sip of his milkshake to avoid conversation.
"Skipping isn't really like you Kibum," Jonghyun states and bites in to the juicy burger, completely occupied with the fat meat now instead of Kibum.
"I guess I was too tired to pay attention in class and I wanted some fresh air," Kibum responds and takes another sip. Jonghyun nods slowly and reaches across the table to take a cheese covered fry from the middle. Unfortunately his hand bumps a hungry Key's and they both recoil.
"Sorry, you go first," Jonghyun smiles and Kibum quickly takes one. The little cafe Jonghyun chose was one of Kibum's favorites. The walls were pastel pinks and blues and the seats were in the shape of rabbits. The food was delicious and inexpensive too because it was low in fat like Kibum liked it. Jonghyun finishes chewing a couple of fries and then takes a chug of his pop.
"What class are you in right now?"
"Psychology," Kibum answers with a shrug. Jonghyun rests his chin in his palm with a gasp, "really? I heard that's impossible to pass wihout studying all night. Maybe it's not such a good idea to skip."
"I pass and I don't study at all," Kibum says in a matter-of-fact type manner. Someone listening to their conversation might think he was being cocky but there wasn't a single cocky bone in the boy's body Jonghyun figures.
"I have English, it's pretty hard."
"I can help you if you want. I speak English," Kibum says while nibbling on a piece of salad.
"You eat like Taemin," Jonghyun sighs, "so healthy. You're too thin Kibum, eat some of my burger."
Jonghyun motions the plump burger in the others direction persuasively. Kibum feels obligated to take what's offered to him and takes a bite out of it. It wasn't until a few minutes later that he realized he just ate after Jonghyun.
"Why do you like Psychology?"
Kibum swallows another fry and purses his lips, "I guess I like to learn about how people think. Like why do people hate certain foods? Why are some people good at sports and some are good at music?"
"Why do people have crushes?" Jonghyun pipes in and Kibum's taken back.
"I guess so," he murmurs.
They finish eating and Jonghyun insists on taking Kibum home so he doesn't fight it. While walking Jonghyun can't help but look at Kibum. His soft features seem so touchable that Jonghyun can't stand it.
"Are you going to the dance?" Kibum asks. Jonghyun bites his lip in embarrassment, "No. I said no to all the girls who asked me. I seem like a jerk, right?"
"No," Kibum says but it didn't sound like it was directed towards Jonghyun. They stop in front of the taller boy's house who bows politely. "Thank you for walking me, Jonghyun."
"No problem, Kibum," Jonghyun answers with another beam. He bows back, giving him a final wave and turns to leave. Kibum watches in frustration as the other gets farther and farther away and thinks of all the chances he's ruined with Jonghyun.
Jonghyun stops and looks back in surprise. Kibum reaches him and stops to take in a deep breath.
"If you're not going anywhere tonight why don't you just come over? Unless you're already busy? Or you just don't want to," Kibum says with a flush. Jonghyun's heart starts to beat faster just thinking about being with Kibum in a place that wasn't public. Were they going to be. . . Alone?
"Um Kibum I," Jonghyun blushes and presses the wrinkles in his jacket down out of habit," I um. . ."
"I was just wondering since we're both free but I guess you're not," Kibum says with an understanding expression. Jonghyun shakes his head quickly, "I want to. What time?"
Kibum's eyes widen slightly and then return to normal.
"Whenever. You know where I live now so just come by when you want to. . ."
Jonghyun wasn't sure if that meant just come by anytime tonight or anytime whenever. "I'll be over around six I guess."
"Okay then," Kibum answers and turns to leave so that Jonghyun wouldn't get the chance to see his flustered face. Jonghyun feels himself getting bubbly inside and grins madly. On the walk home he couldn't stop thinking about how hard it's going to be to keep himself from pouncing on the other boy. Even though Kibum rejected him, this was enough.
Just being close friends made him feel happier than anything.
a/n: Don't hate me! I know it's been WAAAY too long since I've updated and I keep promising that I'll do it faster and I. . . Don't.
a) I'm very lazy
b) when I start a new chapter I have to write it all at once so it takes me a while to find that much time to write a whole chapter because I hate when I don't finish them in one sitting >O<
c) I was on a mini hiatus. I rewrote the beginning and middle of this chapter multiple time ;~;
Anyways, I know you guys have been watching dream high right? WOOYOUNGIE = MY BB ♥
I love you, my dearies. Your comments make me feel squishy and happy like a fat panda ♥
previous ::: next
When he finds Taemin, Jonghyun feels like his entire body is on fire. He stumbles to his friend's side, still gasping from running. Taemin jumps when he feels the others presence and he isn't sure if he should run or not.
“Don't,” Jonghyun says trying to take in more air, “don't run away again. Please don't, Min.”
Taemin stares at him, tears starting to form in his eyes. Jonghyun smiles and stands straight up, “what made you decide to hang outside of this little teddy bear shop?”
“What made you decide to look here?” Taemin challenges and Jonghyun coughs.
“Hey, it was coincidence that I found you. Lucky for me.”
Taemin blinks and a tear drop makes it's way down his perfect cheek. Jonghyun hugs him, muffling the others sobs. They stay like that for a few moments, Taemin's sobbing starting to cool down.
“Even if you did all that stuff, Taemin. . . I just want you to know you're still my best friend. I should have been there for you but you never told me! I can't believe how oblivious I was. It's my fault you were hurting all this time wasn't it? If you don't want to be friends with an asshole like me anymore I understand. Just tell me to let go and I will. Minho told me everything, Taemin. He told me about your parents and that you've. . . “
He starts to stumble over his words and stops to take in a deep breath. “He told me what you've done with him and other guys. I don't care, I mean of course I care but it doesn't change our friendship.”
There's a short pause before Taemin pulls away from Jonghyun, confusion in his eyes. “Wait. . . What? What did Minho tell you?”
Jonghyun's eyes meet the ground, “about how your mom and dad and you and- and-”
“Slow down Jonghyun! Just tell me, what did he say?!”
“It's too hard to say!”
“Jonghyun,” Taemin demands, “I need to know.”
They look around and notice people starting to listen in on their conversation. “Let's go to the park,” Taemin suggests and pulls Jonghyun by the hem of his shirt. The moon starts to rise now, bathing the city in moonlight. Taemin swings back and forth, keeping his eyes locked on Jonghyun who's leaning against the slide leisurely.
Jonghyun closes his eyes and bites his lip. “Well he said that your mom used to bring men home and let them touch you-” he glances at Taemin listening intensely. “-that your dad isn't around much either. He said you've been with guys and that you've done 'it' with them. . . “
Jonghyun stops, hoping Taemin won't break down again. There's an awkward silence as Taemin slowly stands up. “He told you all that?” Jonghyun nods and notices Taemin's gaze seems agitated. “Jonghyun. . . Minho lied to you I mean-”
There's a panic in his voice that scares Jonghyun. Taemin's fingers begin to tremble and Jonghyun rushes to his side, “what? What is it? What's wrong, Taemin?”
“He lied! Jonghyun he lied to you! I mean, at the same time he didn't but- but he told you. . . Jonghyun, he told you!”
“Told me what? What do you mean he was lying? If it was a lie then why are you freaking out?”
“Because it's all true!”
Jonghyun furrows his brows, “but you said-”
“All of that happened to Minho. All of it happened to him not me,” Taemin says in a shakey voice. Jonghyun opens his mouth but is interrupted by Taemin's ring tone. He reaches in to his pocket quickly and reads the screen with a glare. “It's my mom, I'm not gonna answer. She's just going to yell at me about being home late.”
“You should go then,” Jonghyun says and ruffles his hair. “Sorry about all of this.”
“It's not your fault, it's Minho's. I'll see you tomorrow Jonghyun. Love you,” his throat suddenly feels constricted. “I meant like hyung's love each other-”
“I get it,” Jonghyun grins and waves him off. As he turns around Taemin shouts after him.
Jonghyun glances back with a smile and the distance between them grows. After dealing with a worried mother, Taemin just wants to pass out on his bed. When he shuts the door behind him, a thought flickers in his mind. It was only a second but in that second he wished for Minho to be there. Taemin slaps himself mentally.
He switches the light off and doesn't even bother changing in to something more comfortable. As he closes his eyes, he isn't as tired as he thought he was. For almost an hour, his eyes keep flashing open and looking at the closed window by his bed. The long cream curtains cover any sign of life outside.
His body temperature starts to heat up as he opens the window. What am I doing? He probably won't come anyways, just close it. Just close it already.
His fingers touch the window seal and stop. Taemin looks across the street to find any sign of light in Minho's house. None.
Suddenly his body is moving on it's own as he takes his electric blue phone out of the charger and dials the ten numbers he wanted to forget a long time ago. The ringing seems to go on forever but when he's about to hang up a voice comes on.
The house across the street remains dark so Taemin thinks Minho was sleeping. He hates himself for being so inaudible around Minho because it took forever to get what he was thinking out. “Taemin what's wrong?”
The concern in Minho's voice was so familiar, like he was the same sweet boy from middle school. It was moments like this that made the bad boy so hard to just forget about. He closes his eyes, listening to Minho's deep breathing.
“I must have accidentally dialed your number, sorry.”
His finger lands on the 'end call' button but he can't press it. Why? Why can't I do it? He's walked out on me and hung up on me plenty of times why can't I do the same? Taemin waits for a reply. He knows the other doesn't believe him.
“Why don't you just delete it Taemin? Just delete me from your life. I don't want to hurt you anymore.”
“That's not fair, Minho. Shouldn't I be the one to decide you're not worth my time anymore?”
“I've been waiting two years for you to decide and you won't. No matter what I do you'll let me in to your heart. I thought it was because I was an easy fuck but I was wrong. It was only a matter of time before you blew up on me, I expected it ages ago. I want to go back to the way we used to be, before all this shit happened. Before I became shit. I know I can't though. I could never expect you to forgive me Taemin so I'm telling you to forget me,” he murmurs. Taemin covers his mouth to hold back the crying. He's already cried enough for the day.
“I hate you,” he whispers and clutches the curtains tightly.
“I know,” Minho responds. Taemin wipes his eyes against his sleeves and sniffs. “I hate you for doing this to me. You're such an idiot! Do you think I let you stick around because I like getting yelled at? You think I just wanted you for pleasure? You are so stupid, Minho. You are so stupid that I could just kill you.”
Minho leans against the icy metal of the lamp post down the street with his free hand submerged in the cloth of his denim jacket. “Go ahead. If it means you forgive me then I don't care. Just kill me.”
“Where are you anyways?” Taemin asks just so he could talk longer. At this point he didn't care what they talked about, he just wanted to hear Minho's voice.
“Walking to my house.”
“Eh? Just now? Where have you been all night?”
“Got a few drinks. I'm not drunk or anything though.”
“So you're almost. . . Home?” Taemin asks quietly.
“You can come over if you want to,” Taemin says without hesitation. It surprises him that he even wants Minho near him. On the other hand, it doesn't surprise him at all.
“One second you hate me and the next you want me to come over? That's too many mixed signals.”
“Well you give me mixed signals all the damn time!”
“Since when did you acquire this sailor mouth, Taemin? Well whatever, I don't think I can make it. If I come over who knows what will happen. I might not leave,” Minho says honestly. His attraction to Taemin was beyond his control even if Taemin didn't know that. “Even if you think so, you're not a toy Taemin. I never thought that. . . I'm just screwed up, ok? So I need to pay for it.”
Taemin can feel his heart beat rise steadily. It's been a while since he heard Minho sound this way. He was talking to Taemin like he cared about him. Taemin pokes his head out the window and tries to spot Minho but it's too dark. He retreats back in and gradually slides to the floor. “Just come.”
Taemin stares at the mirror across from him, the phone cradled tightly to his chest. Will he come? I look horrible maybe I should just lock the window and sleep. What's the point in staying up to wait for that guy? Everything he just said was probably a lie anyways. . . Why should I trust him?
Just when he's about to doze off the sound of the window panel scraping open startles him. He jumps back and turns the light on to see Minho hop in. Taemin can't help but stare at him. His sexy, messy hair and smokey eyes. “Listen Minho, just know I didn't call you up here to sleep with you!” he says quickly. He wanted to be the one in control this time and if they were going to sleep together it was going to be on Taemin's watch.
“Sure, that's fine.”
There's a slight smirk on Minho's face that Taemin can't decipher. The older boy shrugs his jacket off calmly, alarming the younger one. Didn't he hear me?
“Um the real reason I wanted you to stop by was so that I could check you- to make sure uh. . . You weren't drunk or smoking or something like that. . .”
His confidence starts to diminish as Minho nods and walks closer to him. “No just kidding! I just want you to back up so I can check you from,” he gulps, “from a very very very far away distance.”
“Okaaaaay,” Minho says and raises his arms in defense. “Just come check I won't touch you. You're like two feet away, Taemin, that's not very far.”
Crap he's right! Alright, I'll just check him real quick! Then he can leave, yup that's all.
Taemin inches closer and then feels stupid for asking him to come over. It was just making him feel uncomfortable. What's so wrong about two individuals making love anyways? Oh right, they're not exactly normal individuals. They're both teenage guys with a complicated relationship that even doctor Phil couldn't solve. Plus, the way Minho talks about it, they've never made love.
“Okay before you check, I have a pack of cigarettes in my back pocket. Just saying,” Minho pipes up as Taemin pats his pockets.
“Stop smoking already. You're going to die before you get to see your grand children, you know.”
“So? I doubt I'll even make it to having a child.”
Taemin glares and slaps him on impulse. He covers his mouth and Minho touches his cheek in shock. “What the hell was that for?!”
“I don't know! You just deserved it! Don't say stuff like that!”
“Like what?! I'm tired of everything and everyone, Taemin! Life sucks! People suck! They throw you away the second they find out who you really are. And if you show them who you really are early, they don't even give you a chance!”
“Unfortunately for me, I didn't throw you away.”
“Yeah I know. Looks like I'm not the only stupid one around here.”
Taemin smiles and turns away before Minho can see. “Are you sure you're not drunk?”
“Smell my breath then,” Minho says and Taemin whips around with a glare. He marches in front of Minho, meeting his eyes for a second and then leans closer. Minho breathes out and instead of smoke mixed with beer, the aroma of cinnamon rolls fills the air. “I lied,” Minho whispers, “I got something to eat at the coffee shop down the block.”
Taemin stands there completely dumbfounded. Minho leans over and brushes their lips together. It's not one of his usual husky, feverish kisses but it's soft and almost. . . Loving.
Minho puts his arms around the shorter boy's tiny waist, pulling him closer.
“Minho,” Taemin moans against his wishes. I fall for him every time. Pull away, Taemin. . . He's tricking you like he always does! Hurry and push him off!
Except he can't. His arms feel like jelly in Minho's embrace and it's killing him. Why do I have to love him so much?
Taemin expects to be pushed on to the bed or to get his shirt ripped off but instead Minho leans down and kisses his forehead. Taemin's eyes flicker open as Minho pulls him even closer, hugging him tightly.
“I promise not to hurt you again, Taemin. I'll never hurt you again, I'm so sorry,” he whispers. His voice is laced with sorrow and guilt that makes Taemin's heart hurt. He nuzzles in to the others embrace with a smile.
“You're stupid enough to ask for a second chance so I'm stupid enough to forgive you. It's going to take a while though, Minho. . . I can't just smile and say that everything you've done was okay. I'm not going to trust you for a long time.”
“Figures,” Minho chuckles and kisses Taemin's cheek. “I'm so sorry, Taemin. I'm so sorry.”
“I know,” Taemin blushes and squeezes his eyes shut to keep from screaming in happiness. The spot where Minho kissed his cheek was on fire.
“I love you,” he says so clearly that Taemin almost faints. Did Minho just. . ? He blushes furiously and almost shoves the other away to shout 'so this was all some sick joke?', but he feels like he can trust Minho on this one because even he wouldn't go that far for a joke.
“Can I sleep with you? Not in a 'let's have sex way'. I just want to sleep with you.”
Taemin almost wanted to pinch himself. How could Minho be so romantic? Or was he always like this? Come to think of it. . . Minho was always staying with Taemin and holding him. Even after they would do it, he would hold him like an actual lover. Were all those nights real? He thought about what Minho said earlier about him not being a toy. Did he love me all this time? Then why didn't he just say it? Why did he hurt me. . ?
Taemin nods slowly and jumps when Minho holds his hand. He leads him to the bed and lays down, patting the empty space next to him. Taemin shuffles in and allows the other to hold him. Minho pulls the blankets up, engulfing each of them in warmth. The last thing Taemin remembers before falling asleep is the sound of Minho's heart, the feeling of his fingers caressing Taemin's hair, and the smell of cinnamon rolls.
Jonghyun stares at the ceiling.
The faded light on it becomes brighter as the sun comes up and before he knows it, it's morning. He sits up and changes in to his school uniform quietly. He could have sworn he saw a piece of toast running down the stairs and beckoning him to catch him. He supposes that's what getting no sleep does to you.
It's been like this for a few weeks. Ever since he found out Taemin was dating Minho and his parents were getting divorced he hasn't been able to sleep. When Taemin spilled the news about Minho, it really damaged his trust in the other. Wasn't Minho the bad guy? Jonghyun wanted to scream at Taemin but all he could say was, “congrats.” They haven't talked much since then so he's been kind of lonely also.
Shortly after, his parents told him they were separating. It wasn't that surprising since he knew his mom would get caught cheating eventually. Exams were coming up and it took him twice the time to study because of the recent lack of focus. His mind being corrupt with other matters. To top it off, his ex girlfriend was trying to get close to him again and he really didn't want that right now.
He tries to look for Taemin at school but no sign of him. Jonghyun doesn't say anything while his friends conversate at lunch and they ask him what's wrong. He just smiles and assures them he's okay. While listening to their conversation instead of joining it, he realizes how immature his friends really were. Was he that way too? Did they really sound that stupid when they talked?
The baby blue, cloudless sky that seems to get brighter as the day goes on contrasting with his heavy heart. He tries to sleep in class but to no avail. After class, he almost falls down the stairs and doesn't even notice Onew and Amber waving at him from the courtyard. All he really wants to do is go home and sleep but it occurs to him that Taemin may be at dance practice.
He opens the heavy doors to the studio only to find that nobody was there. I'm so dumb, I forgot there's no practice today. The air in the studio is slightly warmer than the chilly air behind him. He stares at the mirror across the room in disgust. The circles under his eyes are heavy and dark and his entire appearance is messy. He walks closer to the mirror, throwing his bag across the room without a care. I wonder why the lights are on. . .
His footsteps are light and the only sound is the hum of the heater. The reflection in the mirror stares back at him with lifeless eyes, confused eyes. What are you doing? You're spending more time with idiotic people and forgetting about your real friends. You're falling for someone who isn't interested in you and you're falling apart.
Jonghyun learned how to laugh pain off a long time ago but it didn't seem to be workng this time. Many girls were asking him out lately and he kept saying no. Even the girls he used to crush on were falling for him now but he didn't feel that spark he used to. Ever since he saw Kibum, everyone else just seemed so plain. It was really stupid to reject every pretty girl that liked him for that guy. . . He couldn't stop thinking that. It was even worse that he couldn't stop thinking about Kibum. His phone buzzes. It's from Taemin. He flips it open and scans his eyes over the screen.
Sorry I wasn't at school today. I didn't feel good.
He replies and shuts the phone. What was wrong with him? Him and Taemin were cool yesterday right? Him and Kibum were cool yesterday too, right? So why did he feel so down? The room starts to spin and he has to sit down to keep from falling. The need for sleep is finally screaming at him which is why he can't seem to get up and make his way to his comfy bed at home. Jonghyun lays down and groans at the nausea creeping up.
Maybe I'm tired of being the guy that has to make everyone else happy. . .
“It's really cold in here, don't fall asleep.”
He barely opens his eyes to look up at Kibum. His face is a slight blur and Jonghyun can't seem to take in his beauty like he normally does. It was a struggle to keep his eyes open so he just closes them again. Key shakes him, “I'm serious, Jjong. You'll get sick if you sleep on this cold, dirty floor.”
“I'm tired,” Jonghyun murmers, hoping Kibum will get the picture and leave. There's a long silence until a heavy fabric falls on him. He tries to stay awake and thank Key but his mouth doesn't move. Everything grows dark.
When Jonghyun wakes up his muscles hurt from laying on the hard floor and his head is pounding from sitting up too so quickly. He touches the cloth of Key's thick purple jacket and frowns when he notices said boy sitting against the wall in front of him. His eyes are quickly moving back and forth across the pages of a thick book that's around thirty years old by the looks of the worn cover.
“What time is it?” Jonghyun asks, still half asleep.
“Seven,” the other answers without looking up. Jonghyun stands up slowly and stretches his limbs out. He kneels by Key and wraps the hoodie around his thin shoulders. “You're freezing Key, I'm sorry.”
“It's fine.” Again he doesn't look up.
“You didn't have to stay. Why were you here in the first place?”
“I was trying to straighten Onew's office for him and I came out to find you in the floor. You're so strange, Jonghyun.” There was no sign of laughter in his voice.
“Let me walk you home,” Jonghyun offers. He still feels tired but it was the least he could do for him.
“I'm fine,” Kibum says in that same voice. That must be some book, Jonghyun thinks with a frown. He knows Kibum is listening to him but it still feels like he's being ignored. He finally puts the book away in his bag and brushes his jeans off. Jonghyun stands up and stares at Kibum. How did someone so beautiful not have people swarming all over him every day like Jonghyun did? His hair had grown longer and if they weren't swept to the side his banes would fall over his eyes. His hair dazzled with many shades of dark browns that were only noticeable from up close. His eyes were the same, millions of dark and light coffee colored specks adorned them.
“I finished my book so you didn't waste my time or anything. You should take a long nap when you get home. I have to play cards with my grandpa before it gets too late. I'll see you,” Kibum says and brushes pass the other, sending electric pulses through Jonghyun's body. How could he be that captivated by someone? Just then, when Kibum's eyes were avoiding his own, he had an urge to touch his face. To touch those soft lips that should have belonged to an angel rather than Key. To kiss those lips. . .
“Wait,” Jonghyun tries to shout after him but there's no response. He races out the door and catches up to the other boy in a daze. “We never got hot chocolate together. You owe me some time, right?”
Kibum's expressionless eyes light up with an emotion Jonghyun can't place. “Oh yeah. . . I forgot about it. I don't have any money on me and it's getting dark,” he stops for a minute, “it's not like it was important. Just go home and rest.”
Not important? Jonghyun feels a tinge of sadness rush over him. Before Kibum can walk away he chases after him again. “Maybe it wasn't important to you but I was really happy when you said yes.”
He never felt so embarrassed in his entire life. Did he really just tell him that?
“I didn't say anything about it because I had the sense you were avoiding me for the pass few weeks. Sure it's just a cup of hot chocolate but it was out of character for you to agree. So I felt kind of special. . .”
He's come this far already, might as well tell him everything. “The truth is Kibum. . . The truth is-!” Jonghyun could feel himself drowning in fear. What if Kibum rejects him? He's never been rejected before. In fact, Jonghyun's never asked anyone out before so he's never had to fear rejection. This must be what those girls felt like when they ask him out. He deserved to get shot down though after all of the hearts he's broken.
“That I really-”
Kibum watches him just as calmly as ever, it was almost relieving. At least he wasn't pushing and telling him to get it out already or anything like that. Jonghyun inhales deeply and exhales the same.
“I really like you,” he says. At this point, confessing to a guy didn't matter anymore. The thought of even liking guys stopped bothering him a long time ago. All that matters right now is Kibum's response. He almost wants to explain that what he said wasn't a joke or that he wasn't just saying it to see how Kibum would react for laughs. He hopes Kibum can see the sincerity in his eyes. He feels pleased with himself for telling the other his feelings. He didn't need to lie to himself anymore.
Kibum remains speechless for a good minute, worrying the other. Jonghyun shoves his hands in to his pockets with a nervous cough. “Uh well. . . I didn't expect you to like me back or anything, I just wanted to tell you. I thought it would be easier for me if you knew.”
“It's harder for me to hear that,” Kibum says and Jonghyun isn't sure how to respond. He can barely hear Kibum because his ears are pounding so loudly.
“Sorry Jonghyun, I don't feel that way about you.”
It was a simple statement but it crashed down on Jonghyun like a thousand boulders. Of course he didn't expect Kibum to like him back or even answer him so soon but he didn't expect to be shot down that fast. Was it really that easy? Was it that easy to hurt someone's feelings like that? Then again, Jonghyun's done it before. Well hello karma.
He wants to slap Kibum for being so honest and at the same time he just wants to disappear. But more than anything he wanted to curse himself for being so stupid and for falling for the boy in the first place. All that hard work to get the other to like him, all that wasted desire. . . It was all for nothing. Now that he thought about it, he didn't really work that hard to get Kibum to like him, he just watched him from a distance and they accidently bumped in to each other a few times. If it weren't for luck, he would have never talked to him and would have never been through the most humiliating moment of his life.
“Say hey to your grandpa for me,” Jonghyun smiles and waves bye. What else could he say? Thanks for breaking my pride buddy, you're the greatest! Also, thanks for being perfect! It makes it really hard to fall for someone else! Kibum barely raises his hand and waves back. “Jonghyun I'm truly sorry,” he says and Jonghyun just laughs. “For what? It's not like I'm in love with you or anything so it's not that big of a deal! I'll see you at practice!”
The last part was overly cheerful to cover up the gloom and crumbling pride inside of him. He forced himself not to look back. Maybe a talk with Taemin would help him rebuild his confidence. When he goes home, his parents read him the divorce details. At any other time he would be listening tentatively but only one thing crosses his mind.
The first person he actually liked hadn't liked him back. . . Life sucks huh?
previous ::: next
a/n: auuuuugh I can't believe I did that to my jjongie ;___;
At least 2min is repairing their relationship, right? >O<
I think this is one of my longer chapters so yeeah~ ^^
I'm still mad at Jonghyun for breaking Kibum's heart and dating that girl so I'm just counting down the days until they get back together XD
He just honestly doesn't seem as happy as he used to. . . Maybe all the pressure from having a girlfriend as a celebrity is hard to handle? If he's truly happy then I- I-
I wish him the happiness with her.
AAAIIISH I had to say that >__>
Okay sorry I'm just talking to myself now~ Don't forget to leave a comment, they make me smile! Love you guys ♥
Jonghyun. . .
Jonghyun. . .
A boy no older than sixteen frowns to himself, "Five more minutes mom."
You can have all the time you want to sleep later, but it is time.
"Time for what- breakfast? In a second. . . Five minutes."
No reply. Jonghyun smiles to himself and cuddles up in to his feather like blankets. They feel extra soft today. Mom must have cleaned them, he thought. He grabs another handful of blankets and something irks him. He shifts again, fluffy cotton bursting in to his face.
"Aish mom what kind of sheets did you put on my bed-"
He opens his eyes slowly and carefully sits up. The first thing he notices is he's not in his room, that's for sure. There were no walls just orange and yellow streams of color around him. It looked like. . . The sky?
"Okay I must still be dreaming let me just get back in my bed- WHERE'S MY BED?!"
His legs were engulfed in a fluffy white substance along with his arms.
"That would be a cloud," a high pitched voice says. Jonghyun looks to his left to see a little girl with long green hair smiling at him. Her eyes are large and curious.
Jonghyun feels dizzy and decides he must still be dreaming. He lays back down and hopes the girl will just disappear.
"Silly, ghosts can't sleep!" she laughs and Jonghyun's eyes snap open. He cranes his neck towards the girl with a sick grin. "G-ghost?"
"Yup," she chimes and pokes his cheek, causing him to yell. Jonghyun tries to run but stops when his foot touches pure air.
"Elaborate?" he squeaks and the girl jumps up with bright eyes.
"You've reached acceptance already? At such an early stage of death too! Ah we're making such good progress! Well you see. . . You kinda got hit by a bus."
"Kinda?! There's no kinda about getting hit by a bus! You either get hit by a bus or you don't!"
"Hehe, sorry! Anyways, here you are!" she smiles.
Jonghyun's face falls, "There's no way I'm a ghost. Absolutely not. I'm just having one of those long dreams that takes mom's loud voice to wake up from. Now run along and play with dolls or something like little girls do," he grins and waves a hand out.
"I certainly don't play with dolls! If by dolls you means souls? I love playing with damned souls! Oh do you know any games? We can play one if it will help you recover! This is the first time a dead person wanted to play games with me!"
"NO I DON'T WANT TO PLAY GAMES WITH YOU. ARE YOU STUPID?!"
Jonghyun took in a deep breath and sat down on the cloud. The girl looks up with a purse of her lip.
"Look let's say I am a ghost," he notices her face light up and quickly adds, "let's just say I am! Then what do I do now?"
"Three options," she puts her tiny hand out. "One: Roam the Earth forever."
Jonghyun nods as she puts another finger up, "Two: Pass on to Heaven."
"Alright, number three?"
Her eyes become very serious and Jonghyun feels like he's not dealing with a child anymore. He stretches and puffs some stress out. "Since I have a few more hours to kill before school I'll play along. Let's say I believe you. What am I supposed to do? How do I pass on or whatever?"
"It's not a 'whatever'! Passing on is very important. Don't ever think of staying on Earth for any reason, don't ever! Staying on Earth is," she closes her eyes, "horrible." There's a small pause until she gets fired up again, "I'm going to help you pass on so don't worry about that, got it? It's pretty simple actually, the pass on process!"
"So what is it?" he asks, going along with her game.
"All you have to do is grant someone true happiness."
The air between them grows stiff. Jonghyun burst in to laughter and the girl reaches back and punches him across the cheek. "I'm trying to be patient but it's really hard. Teenagers are the worst souls to be assigned to! Look, all you have to do is help someone on Earth reach the peak of pure happiness and you can pass on to heaven. Got that?"
Jonghyun squirms around making choking noises. Did that child just punch me?! Augh that actually hurt, she's got a strong arm.
"Look," he says and sits back up, "I don't really understand all of this but I'll do it. Whatever it takes to wake up. You better not punch me again or you'll be sorry!"
The girl squeals, "I'm so happy! Now I don't have to resort to other measures! Come come, let me show you who you're going to be attached to for the next few months!"
I wonder what the other resorts were.
"Here we are," she smiles and turns around. Jonghyun tries to catch his breath, "As fun as flying around is, I'm not exactly liscensed for it! Go slower next time!"
"Ah we're just in time! There-!"
Jonghyun follows her gaze. There's a boy taking the trash out far below them. It's obviously late, the moon is high and hardly any neighborhood lights are on. The boy has dark hair that shadows most of his face but Jonghyun can't tell anything else from their height.
"It's a guy?"
"So what? Were you expecting some hot princess to fall in love with? Don't push your luck!"
Jonghyun glares at her and looks back down but the boy's gone. He sighs, "I've had enough of this. I'm heading home."
As he starts to float away he hears her whisper, "good luck."
Hah luck? What kind of character did I dream up? This sucks, out of all the cute girls it had to be some brat!
"So you came to apologize?" she asks with a smirk and Jonghyun crosses his arms. The sun was starting to rise and it occurst to Jonghyun that he was awake all night without getting tired at all.
"What's the big idea? Why am I not sleepy?"
They sit on the roof of his house, the sky flaring up with oranges, yellows, and pinks.
"Because you're a ghost."
"I know, I know. Anyways, nobody at home would talk to me."
"Because you're a ghost."
"I know, I know! They couldn't hear me either! If you say "you're a ghost" one more time I swear. . . "
The girl just laughs, "you're a funny one!"
Er I wasn't joking, Jonghyun thinks. "What's your name by the way?"
"Miyo!" she shouts and jumps up. "At your service mr. Jonghyun! Today's work starts in less than two hours! What's your first job you ask? Go wake up your client!"
So she knows my name. . . "Wake up my-?"
Poof! Great she's gone! At my service?! Please!
"She could have at least reminded me where the house was! What a bad host."
Jonghyun sighs and digs through his memory until he finds the house from last night. It takes him almost an hour to remember exactly where they went. As he arrives, he knocks on the door and then laughs. "Crap they can't hear me. Should I just walk through? Worth a shot I guess."
He feels bubbles burst inside of his veins as he passes through the thick door. How cool!
The house is pretty dirty, trash laying in each corner and opened bags of snacks scattered on the couch. Jonghyun has an urge to clean but remembers he can't touch anything. Wait a minute, if I can't talk to anyone how am I gonna help this dude out?
He didn't have to look for long in the tiny house to find where the boy was. Here goes nothing!
Jonghyun passes through the door with uneasiness and glances around. The sun is fully up now and it's light bursts through the crack of an open window. It shocks Jonghyun how well kept and clean this room was compared to the rest of the house. It wasn't dark in here either. He reads the alarm clock on the bed and screams.
"It's already Eight thirty! Get up man! You're gonna be late- Aw crap. You can't hear me. . . Can I levitate objects or something? Something besides flying would be nice Miyo! Sheesh, being a ghost isn't as fun as I thought it would be. Can't I scare people or something? Like the ghosts from Casper?"
"If you're going to be noisy, can you do it somewhere else?"
Jonghyun jumps from the groggy voice. His eyes zone in on the bed next to the window, a head of jet hair puffing out from the top. He can hear me?
"Yo, you need to get up and go to school! You want to fail? You want to be a dropout!?" Jonghyun says, crossing his arms.
What am I shouting!? I used to skip school all the time! Oh well I'm having fun.
"I'm tired, go away."
Jonghyun soared to the side of the bed and reached out to jerk the covers off the boy but he passed through them. I can't make this kid feel happy if he won't even get out of the bed! Augh why did I have to get someone so stubborn?!
"Look at how pretty it is outside! Let's go to school and have a good day-"
"Shut up, Yesung! I told you I'm tired," the boy shoots up out of the covers and turns to look at Jonghyun. He has dark circles under his eyes, the lack of sleep apparent. His hair is messy and he's wearing a hoodie and jeans.
What is this kid a drunkie? Who sleeps with their clothes on?
"Sorry I thought you were my brother but that's. . . "
"Can you see me?!" Jonghyun yells. A few birds fly pass the window and break the silence.
The boy nods and Jonghyun looks around in panic. Is he supposed to be able to see me?! Miyo where are you?!
"I don't know if I'm dreaming or if you're some kind of creep but I'm tired, get out."
He falls back and buries his head in to the covers. Jonghyun's mouth drops and he isn't sure what else he's supposed to do. He grins smugly.
"If you don't go to school you're doomed! I have wicked powers and in a split second," he says, "I can curse you. Oooooooh~"
His ghost noises were starting to sound really lame when the boy's voice broke in.
"I don't care."
Is this kid serious? He must think he's still dreaming like I did! Alright then. . .
"The girl you have a crush on will give you a kiss at school today. Oh well, too bad you have to actually be at school for her to-"
"I don't have a crush," he responds in annoyance.
"You have a huge pop quiz that counts as-"
"You're mom is going to-"
Jonghyun's arms fall and a very strange feeling creeps from inside of him. He never thought it was possible to be that lazy. He floats back outside and sits on the roof silently.
"I can see you're not too good at this," that perky voice comes from behind him and he jumps.
"Miyo! You're really creepy you know!"
She laughs and watches him think. After a moment Jonghyun stretches, "I'm going home."
"What's the point in making this kid find true happiness? He obviously doesn't even care about getting out of bed so why should I-"
"What did you expect? Some amazing guy who loves life? Oh no that would be far too easy. If that was the case then why would we ask you to help him find true happiness? This boy isn't happy so go make him happy!" she yelps and shoves him off the roof. Jonghyun doesn't fall off and hit the ground like he expects. He opens his eyes and notices he's still in the air and with a glare he whips around.
"This sucks! I don't care if this is real or not I just want to go home! Why should I have to do all of this for someone I don't even know? I didn't ask to die!"
"Neither did I," she frowns. They stare at each other for a while and Jonghyun feels a sudden sadness. The girl couldn't have been any older than ten when she died and yet she's far more grown up than he.
"Fine, I'll keep trying. I'm bound to wake up eventually. This sure is one hell of a dream though."
She smiles and disappears in a puff of smoke. Jonghyun stares at the open window below and sighs loudly. He could already tell this was gonna be a long dream. A very long dream.